So the title sounds a little questionable, right? What follows are things that I've been thinking about for the past week or so...
I mentioned in a previous blog that Nathan and I took the kids to Rainforest Cafe last weekend. (At least, I think I did!) While we were waiting in line to put our name in, I was listening to the two teenage girls that were standing right behind us, talking quite loudly. All of a sudden, one of them said "Oh, they're such a weird couple! Look! A black girl with a hot white guy," to which her friend replied "Well, I guess if you're into that kind of thing..." I was honestly stunned. Do people really still think that way? Is it really that big of a deal to Americans to see a biracial couple out and about, considering all Americans are such melting pots of ethnicity and race? Is the pigment of our skin still what defines us? I guess I was so taken aback because I feel like our culture has made such strides in so many areas that it's shocking to me to hear this backwards thinking. No one bats an eye when a brunette woman is with a blond man (a la Nathan and myself), so why is it so odd and so strange and so necessary to make comments about a black woman and a white man, or an Indian man and a white woman, or an Asian woman and a Hispanic man, or any other ethnic mixture of coupledom? To judge someone simply because their eye shape is different than "normal" or their hair or skin or dress or cultures are opposite is simply unnecessary and offensive. Isn't it? Am I wrong for being irritated? I guess it somehow goes back to the fact that I grew up in a very upper-middle class/upper class WASP area and I'm half Mexican. While I don't look fresh out of the water (my father swam here- literally), I don't look "white" either. I have olive skin, hazel green eyes, dark brown hair with natural red/copper highlights, I don't burn (I tan hardcore), and in the summer, if I'm a pool lizard and lounge around all day, my skin gets so dark that I've been told I look "Afro-Cuban," especially in pictures. (My first license picture was a perfect example.) So while I don't identify with being a minor in the "minority," I can relate to being a social minority. In fact, I started working for Starbucks when I was sixteen, in this same WASPy town. My third store was right down the street from a middle school, and let me put it this way: we had kids regularly purchasing frappuccinos with $50s. It was ridiculous, and they were heinously rude. We had to have on-duty police officers bouncing both entrances to the store every day after school and only allowing two kids in at a time because they'd wreak havoc on the place otherwise. I actually had a kid, who's older siblings I knew from school, make the asshole comment to me: "Oh you're Becca Salazar? You're Mexican right? So that's your family mowing my lawn? Stupid spick." I was mortified. Especially since I was on friendly terms with this kid's older siblings. Plus, who the hell allows their 12-14 year old to speak that way to other people?! The fact that that was acceptable to say just blew me away. It got even worse on the day that I was working with Joel, my assistant manager (who was half Chinese), and Saam (who was Middle Eastern). We had another of this lovely, ignorant bunch of kids come in and say "Check it out! We have the spick, the chink, and the sand nigger on the floor today. It must be my lucky day." Little did this particular little hooligan know that Joel was a black belt in a martial art (who's name alludes me because it was cray cray!) and that I was working toward my second degree black belt in taekwondo. It took everything we had to not jump the counter and unleash the fury. The cops were awesome though- I knew 3/4 of all the local departments from being a D.A.R.E. role model, so they were really protective of me. It was nice to know that the police had your back and would remove any unfavorable "situations" from the store.
So, with that as the basis for my argument, it's no wonder I was so inflamed over the comments exchanged between these two girls.
To go along with that quasi-rant (sorry!), I don't understand who thinks that they have the right to judge others based on their own personal assumptions. And that applies to a plethora of situations that I've heard of/encountered recently. Case in point: Nathan just got out of the shower and came to sit down by me on the couch. He reached for his Pepsi (gross), and thought it felt lighter. So, he looks at me, gives me the wonky eye (looks something like this ---> oO) and says "You drank some of this, didn't you? It's okay- I still love you." Punk.
Honestly though, I really don't get it.
It's the same kind of conversation I get into with my friends who are atheists. I have several, and they seem to fall into two categories: the angry and the, um, not angry. (Original, I know.) One of said friends and I can have totally civil conversations, despite our agreeance to agree to disagree. She brings up some very intriguing points from a scientific perspective and her main argument is that science will never prove faith or the existence of God. And it won't. I agree. I don't judge her despite my disagreeing with her viewpoint. It's not my place. People believe different things, and as long as you aren't hurting anyone, I'm okay with that. However, my angry atheist friend is, in a nutshell, my oldest friend. We've known each other since he was in 6th grade and I was in 7th, and we dated on and off for five years. Aside from Nate, he knows me better than anyone else on earth, and I can always talk to him about anything and everything... except matters of faith. It's ironic because we met at church, we went through youth group together, on mission trips together, he went to a Christian high school, we used to pray together. We thought that we'd be each other's "first" and, along with that, that we'd get married. We've been there through deaths of family members, other friends falling away, relationship issues, life changes. He is, after Nate, my best friend. But our lives went in vastly different directions, spiritually speaking. Recently, I texted him late at night while I was up writing a paper and frustrated. Nathan was sawing logs in the bedroom, so I couldn't bounce my ideas off of him. The class I was writing a paper for was Women in Biblical Literature, so I guess I should've known better than to text said friend, but I did anyway. We ended up getting into a faith v. non-faith conversation that started turning somewhat volatile in tone. He actually made the argument that "Religion is false, made up a long time ago by a bunch of people who were even dumber than we are today." I was a little shocked, and instead of taking such an aggressive stance, replied "All I know is that I need faith to get me through my life, one day at a time." And I got attacked and made to feel stupid because I said that. The bottom line is, I agree that religion is contradictory and can be incredibly hypocritical. WBC anyone? Those people are complete idiots- and I'm judging by what they've put out there of themselves, not blindly. And they are hurting other people by what they say/do. I agree that religion can be maddening and frustrating beyond belief, and the things that people extract from it to explain or use as their battle shield against the perceived social wrongs is despicable. But I'm not talking about religion. I'm talking faith. I'm talking about my belief that humanity did not form from random particles banging together after the big bang. I'm talking about how, through my life, there have been entirely too many good things and too many bad/sad things that I've endured (which have greatly impacted my life and made me a better person) for me to discount the idea that God is real. Through just living my life in the best way I know how, I've allowed myself to be open to all of the fears, all of the realities, and all of the joys that have been put in my path. I've learned through trust in something bigger than me that everything in life has a reason and purpose. While I may not understand the reason or purpose while I'm "in it," hindsight is 20/20, and I have no regrets. Everything is a learning experience, and I live by the Bible passage Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He shall direct your path. I don't understand why the need is there for atheists to use science to try and convince me out of my faith. Is my faith hurting you? No. Is my faith affecting you in a negative manner? No. If you don't like my faith's existence or the fact that I have a belief system (and a very liberal one at that!), do me a favor and don't think about it. I believe that God and science can co-exist peacefully, and that, at the end of the day, they do. I won't preach at you all day and try to cram religion (or, more importantly, faith) down your throat if you promise not to shout at me that I'm stupid for believing that I'm never alone, that I have nothing to fear, and that I have peace in my soul because of it.
In my Modern and Contemporary Christian Thought class, there's a guy who goes off on massive tangents. He's the kind of guy who wants solid proof, no matter how big the digression or how far we are behind, of God's existence, of Jesus's historical presence, and of faith. The plain and simple truth is that God is not some big guy in the sky; He's everywhere and in everything. His miracles can be seen in the faces of every single child that comes into this life alive and healthy. Think about it. Maybe you won't be able to relate if you've never had children, but at each and every second of pregnancy, things can go wrong. Horribly wrong. I miscarried between Rhea and Trace, and I just had this inexplicable feeling from my positive test that something wasn't right. It was devastating to find out that I was right. I also lost a twin with Rhea at 7 weeks. Nothing will bring your own fragile life to light than when you become a parent or experience a miscarriage. And nothing will bring you more joy and awe than when you look into the precious rosy cheeked face of a newborn miracle. To know that the primal act of reproduction can create something so beautiful that you're at a loss for words is the work of something bigger than our own humanity. Jesus existed historically; there are records for that. And faith... faith is faith. Either you have it or you don't. Either you find it or you don't. Either you lose it or you don't. Faith is another tiny, more personal miracle. I say tiny because if you have it, it lives inside of you; it's embedded into your very core. It's the most personal relationship you can have, this connection with the heavenly realm. I pray every day, several times a day, and the only time I every consciously realize that I'm praying is at night when I reflect on my incredible blessings. Almost every other time, I realize it after the fact. After narrowly avoiding a collision, after watching Rhea and Trace share a really sweet brother/sister moment (he signed and said "love you" -"wuh ooo"- to her the other day), when my husband gets home and I get to see him for the first time at 6 pm, watching Nate play with our children- those are the times I send up a silent prayer of thanks and praise and realize immediately afterward that I said a little prayer. Not to sound like a Bible baby (which I am, but I promise- I keep it to a minimum!), but in my life, even when I want to ship my kids to Canada and California and send Nathan to the jungle without a compass, flashlight, or bug spray, my cup runneth over.
Now, I apologize if anything I've said in this entry irritated or offended anyone. I won't apologize for putting my beliefs out there and I definitely won't apologize for saying this: If everyone would look past their assumptions to avoid judgments, we'd be in a much better place. Who are we to judge each other? Who are we to look at people on the surface, assume what we assume, and then make a judgment, all the while knowing absolutely nothing about the inner workings of those people? No one can say what draws us to the people we love or are attracted to. No one knows the chemistry behind faith or where belief systems come from. Just because we may not agree does not mean that we need to fight or argue or become belligerent. Ignorance is not a valid defense. And neither is the phrase "Because the Bible said so." The Bible isn't meant as a substitute for having a conscience. Scripture isn't meant to be used as a weapon, isn't meant to slice and dice an opponent to ribbons because one person doesn't agree with another's actions/lifestyle. So, if anyone is reading this, what I'm really saying is that I hope we all can take a look at ourselves. We can all use a little tweaking in our thinking.
XoXo
Becca
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